


As Long As I'm With Everyone

by cureelliott



Series: The Worst Thing [1]
Category: Inazuma Eleven
Genre: Grief/Mourning, M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-09
Updated: 2012-12-09
Packaged: 2017-11-20 16:43:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/587537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cureelliott/pseuds/cureelliott
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Never take that bracelet off,” He says to Gouenji as he turns and walks away. “It’s of the utmost importance.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	As Long As I'm With Everyone

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for Episodes 06 and 07 of Inazuma Eleven Go: Chrono Stone! References major character death and contains graphic description of attempted suicide.

“Who are you?” Supporter X smiles at Gouneji and shakes his head. 

“Never take that bracelet off,” He says to Gouenji as he turns and walks away. “It’s of the utmost importance.” 

\--- 

When Gouenji wakes up the next day, he’s alone in bed which is unusual. Since moving back to Inazuma Town, he’d moved in with Endou and Natsumi. Kidou spent most nights with them there at the house. Natsumi usually left for Aki’s apartment after she made dinner, so the three of them would spend the evening watching soccer on the television or discussing training tactics before crawling into Endou’s bed. Gouenji is never as relaxed as he did when he can press against Endou’s lax, snoring form while reaching across his body to touch Kidou’s hair or side. 

Without the usual tangle of limbs and blankets, Gouenji realizes how big the bed really was. A chill crawls up his spine and he shivers while groping around for his sweater. 

As he pulls the fabric over his body he hears a crash in the kitchen and he leaps out of bed and down the hall towards the sound. 

“Kidou! Endou! Is everything alright?” He shouts as he bounds down the stairs. He finds Kidou in the kitchen, alone and still in his pajamas. He must have been making breakfast; there is juice and glass all over the floor. 

“You should be more--” Gouenji stops his chastising when he sees the tears streaming down Kidou’s face. 

“Hey, what happened, did you cut yourself?” Gouenji grabs at Kidou’s trembling hands and inspects them for blood. When he doesn’t find any he looks into Kidou’s horrified face and tries to soothe him. 

“Kidou... talk to me.” 

Kidou lets out a sob, “T-the phone...” and points at the cordless receiver on the floor. Gouenji towels the spilled juice off of it with his sleeve. 

“Kidou!? Kidou, can you hear me?” It’s Natsumi and she sounds hysterical. 

“Natsumi, it’s Gouenji, what’s happened?” 

“Gouenji! Oh, oh god! Gouenji, I’m so sorry!” Beyond Natumi’s voice, Gouenji can hear other people-- probably Aki or maybe Haruna. 

“It’s... there’s been an accident, Gouenji... it’s Endou...” 

\--- 

Kidou doesn’t speak again for a week, all he can do was cry and sleep and that’s only because on the third day Gouenji calls Fuyuka and asks her to bring something to help calm him down. 

“I should have been there.” Kidou whispers as Gouenji helps him change into clean pajamas-- his nightmares made him sweat so much at night. Gouenji hushes him and coaxes him back to into bed.

Gouenji can’t sleep. Instead he sits on the edge of the bed and watches Kidou. He drags the photo albums the girls made for them and looks at photos from the Football Frontier, FFI, and graduation. 

He doesn’t cry. 

The bracelet starts beeping and Kidou moans in his sleep. Gouenji slips down the hall to the bathroom and examines the bracelet. He hadn’t had much of a chance to look at it it before, and now it was flashing at him. He finds a button on the side of presses it. A small screen of light jumps out of it and he watches at Tenma and the rest of the new Raimon team play against strange, unknown players and lose. 

He watches as Endou defends a helpless and sad looking boy with green hair and disappears in a flash of light. 

The video cuts off and a text message scrolls across the screen. 

“Tell no one - X” 

The screen disappears and Gouenji slumps down against the wall. 

He’s alive. Somewhere. 

\---

At the funeral, Gouenji can’t make eye contact with anyone. He wants so badly to tell them this is all for nothing, all their pain and grief. Endou is still alive and he’ll be back soon, they just have to wait. 

Fuyuka had given Kidou something to keep him calm enough to be outside and awake at the same time. His face is schooled into a hard line and Gouenji knows behind those huge green glasses that his crimson eyes are bloodshot. 

Haruna and Aki are holding Natsumi upright. She’s six months pregnant. Aki had called him the other day to discuss putting her into hospital until the baby is born; they aren’t sure if she can hold it together much longer. 

Someoka had return from Italy just for this. He’s looking very tan and Gouenji wants to compliment him on his suit but he knows it’s inappropriate. He expects Fubuki to be the one visibly grief stricken but he’s calm. He discretely passes Someoka tissues and Gouenji remembers that Fubuki has been grieving for a long time-- this will be just another grave to visit.

Fudou tries to talk to Gouenji and Kidou, but all he can stamer out is a “He... he was good.” Before he begins to scowl and clench his teeth. Fuyuka touches his shoulder and shakes her head. 

The kids are all crying. Tenma is all but wailing and Shindou’s face is hidden in Kirino’s shoulder. Coach Kudou introduces the team to Endou’s mother and they all go silent. She smiles at their red, tired faces. 

“He... he was very proud of all of you.” She says softly. 

During the ceremony, Endou’s mother is seated between Gouenji and Natsumi. She holds both their hands. Endou’s father was away on business and couldn’t make it back. Atsuko-san was smaller than Gouenji remembers her being. She’s tired and that makes her look even older, the lines and creases around her eyes and mouth looking that much deeper. 

Endou has her eyes. 

\--- 

Weeks pass and Kidou is getting thinner and thinner. Gouenji wants so badly to tell him that it’s going to be okay, that Endou will make it back to them. Endou always makes it back. 

One night, Gouenji almost tells him. They’re lying in bed together and Gouenji is coasting along the edge of sleep when Kidou hands find his and squeeze hard. Gouenji draws him in closer and they kiss for the first time since before. Kidou’s lips are dry but his mouth is still warm and tastes like it always does. Gouenji’s hand is mapping the curves of Kidou’s hips when Kidou breaks away. 

“How... how do we do this without him?” 

After they make love and Kidou falls asleep, Gouenji watches him. Sex with Endou is always fun and loving, filled with laughter and sincerity. But now, what he and Kidou had just done, was an expression of grief and deceit. Kidou was mourning and Gouenji was pretending to be too. 

\---

“Come to Steel Tower Plaza at noon. Raimon known he’s alive. They’ll need your help. - X” 

Gouenji gets this message when he wakes up alone again. He doesn’t notice at first since Kidou has taken to sleeping on the edge of the bed opposite him so he has to actually look for him to know he’s there. 

He finds Kidou on the bathroom floor with huge, deep gashes cut into his arms. Gouenji shouts, but doesn’t hear his own voice. The next few hours are a blur. 

He pulls Kidou into his lap and wraps his arms in a towel, puts pressure on wounds. He’s getting blood all over his hands and clothes. 

He calls an ambulance and within minutes paramedics are pulling Kidou out of his arms and onto a stretcher. He has the sense to put a jacket on over his bloody pajamas as he follows the stretcher out of the house and into the ambulance. 

At the hospital, Fuyuka finds him and asks him if she should call anyone. He waits until Yuuka gets there before going to the bathroom to wash his hands and face. The sink is a muddy red by the time he’s done. 

It’s nearly ten. Kidou is stable but unconscious. 

“It’s a miracle you found him when you did, any longer and...” 

He calls Toramaru because he knows he won’t ask questions and tells Yuuka he has to go, that she should call him when Kidou is awake. She tries to stop him and tell him to stay but he shrugs her off. 

Toramaru takes him home and he changes. He throws his stained clothes in the garbage. On his way out the door he stops. 

He goes back to the bedroom. He rifles through the dressers until he finds it. One of Endou’s headbands. He cups it in his hands, cradling it like it’s made of glass. 

He imagines Endou’s face masked with disappointment. It’s the look he’d given him when he came to ask why he was the Holy Emperor. 

“I couldn’t...” Gouenji whispers and chokes. Droplets slip down his face and onto the headband and suddenly he can’t focus or breath properly. 

An hour later, he can manage to stand. He calls Haruna and silently berates himself because he can’t tell her but he should tell her. Instead he instructs her to bring the team to Steel Tower Plaza and he goes out. 

He shoves Endou’s wet headband into his pocket.


End file.
